Dateline: Waffle House

After getting online this morning and finding that he couldn’t edit his Wikipedia page back to the way he liked it due to an anti-SOPA protest, today Al Sharpton angrily called for the Internet to step down as our online of choice.

“I believe that, today, the internet has, in, the most callous of ways, taken off it’s facade of a mask of a sham of a trickery, and, revealed, like a hooker that’s found Jesus and slowly taken the Shroud of Turin off him in the most revealing of ways, that racism can come in many forms, and, today, that form is the internet itself,” Rev Sharpton finally got out. He then unfortunately continued, “When I was a child, back in Mississippi, and the minstrels came around to do their funny shows, I was shocked, nay, shocked and appalled, that these black men and woman of the white variety were not, in fact, the actual black men and woman of the colored variety. These tricksters and shams were hoaxes of the most illusional type, the type that pulled the wool over your eyes. Today, as I gently put my toes in the receding wave of the internet, I was shocked, nay, flabbergasted, that the same internet where I get my money and my Jesus from, was covered in the same black face paint the racist children of my mother were covered in. 

As the leader of the free black world, barring a veto by Jesse Jackson, I demand, this instant, this moment, this very point in time, for the Internet to resign, and apologize, for this very racist day. As a movement, we have come too far to have websites try to get the “black out” of the internet.

Despite calls to his publicist, who was found hanging in a shady motel on the other side of town wearing fishnets with a sign on the door that simply read: “Come in and call me David,” no one has been able to follow up on this story. Details at 11.

(via:legitimatenews)